Every lodge holiday has the same temptation: follow the brown sign to the viewpoint, park on the gravel, and eat lunch beside three other families doing exactly the same thing. There is nothing wrong with those places — they are popular for good reason — but the genuinely quiet picnic spots are usually only ten or fifteen minutes further along a footpath, and lunch tastes considerably better for the walk.

Why the honey-pot car parks let you down

Lay-bys with a viewfinder, a bench and an ice cream van are convenient, but they are also hard-surfaced, exposed and rarely sheltered. On a breezy day the wind curls round the information board and takes your napkin with it. On a hot day there is no shade. On a wet day there is nowhere to sit that is not a puddle.

The best picnic spots share three qualities: shelter from the prevailing wind, something to sit on that is not the ground, and a reasonable chance of having it to yourself. None of those three appear on a road sign, which is precisely the point.

How to read a fell landscape for shelter

Wind direction matters more than temperature when you are choosing where to eat. A check of the forecast before you leave tells you which way to face your walk, and the ground itself usually offers a ready-made windbreak if you know where to look.

• The leeward side of a drystone wall or hedge. West and south-west winds dominate most of upland Britain, so a wall running roughly north to south gives you a calm pocket on its eastern side. Sit with your back to the stones and you gain a good few degrees of comfort.
• A woodland edge, not the middle. The sunny margin of a broadleaf wood is warm and full of birdsong. The edge of a dense conifer plantation is darker and draughtier, but the ground stays drier under the canopy — useful after a wet spell.
• A south-facing bank in spring, a north-facing one in a heatwave. Aspect changes everything. Early in the year, a slope that catches the sun will feel a month ahead of the valley floor. In July, a shaded north-facing bank above a beck is the coolest seat in the parish.
• Just above the water, never right beside it. Lakeshores are beautiful, but still air pools at the water's edge and so do midges. Climb twenty metres up the bank and you usually leave them behind.

Four places worth walking to with a sandwich

If you want a starting point for your recce, these four types of spot come good again and again across the Lake District, Yorkshire Dales, Peak District, Snowdonia and the Scottish lochs.

• Grassy verges on a bridleway. Wide, well-trodden verges at the edge of a walled lane give you flat, dry ground, a natural backrest and no risk of blocking anyone's path.
• Old packhorse bridges. These narrow stone crossings — often a short walk upstream from the modern road bridge — have low parapets that make excellent benches. Sit on the upstream side in summer for the breeze and the sound of water; the downstream side is warmer in cooler weather.
• Shingle slacks above a lake. Look for the strip of short grass and flat stones a metre or two above the high-water mark. Firm underfoot, easy to brush clean, and usually ignored by everyone heading for the main jetty.
• Ruined barns, limekilns and sheepfolds. These old structures offer real shelter, a stone seat and a bit of history with your flask. Do not picnic inside a building that is clearly still in agricultural use, and never block a gate or a doorway.

Timing, kit and the small comforts

Aim to be sitting down by about half past twelve. In summer, afternoon convection builds cloud over the fells and the first showers often arrive between two and four. In winter, with daylight short, an early lunch keeps you moving while the light holds. If the clouds are scudding across quickly, the wind is stronger than the valley suggests — pick a lower, more sheltered spot and save the ridge for another day.

A few small items make a disproportionate difference: a square of closed-cell foam or a sit mat, a flask for cooler days, a bin bag to sit on if the grass is damp, and something heavy to stop the map blowing away. Tuck trousers into socks in midsummer, check for ticks afterwards, and carry a midge head net if you are anywhere near still water at dusk.

Access, livestock and leaving it tidy

Stick to public footpaths, bridleways and access land, and follow any local signs about seasonal restrictions. Sheep, cattle and ponies graze most upland areas, so keep dogs under close control near livestock and never between a cow and her calf. Shut every gate behind you, even if you found it open, and leave no crumbs for the wildlife — apple cores and crusts attract rats and ravens and are not the kindness they look like.

Finally, resist the urge to widen a spot. Sitting on the same patch of grass as everyone else compacts the ground and turns a quiet verge into a muddy scar within a season. Take your litter home, leave the stones where they lie, and the spot will still be worth the walk next year.